Dating profiles: Dos and Don'ts
Met up with some friends the other weekend, speaking about the joys and pitfalls of online dating, and over a few glasses of prosecco, we got talking about internet dating. There was a mix of ladies that were single and some not and different ages.
For the single ladies, we were explaining what the world of dating has come to....so we got our phones out and shared some of the profiles. We then decided as a group to share our dos and don'ts for the profiles, as well some of them were probably lovely but we couldn't see past some of the "mistakes" on their profiles. So, here are some top tips for you fellas:
“YOU DON'T TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH, YOU MAKE IT.”
― ANSEL ADAMS
Nowadays a picture means a thousand words, Bumble and Tinder are purely on looks and that first photo. On Bumble sometimes people do not take the time to complete a profile. Make sure you put your best face first.
The "I'm at the gym" pic - you’re taking a photo on the bench with the weights behind you and using the mirrors to do a selfie, you're sweaty and ripped. Don't get me, wrong, some people love the Dwayne Johnson look, I mean it's nice. But just put on your profile you go to the gym; we don't need to see the evidence. Plus, if you have other photos we will see that you are ripped...we will know trust me. ;)
Toilet photos - This is my biggest pet hate, so many photos had guys in public toilets, maybe the pub or club, to fair doesn't matter where, if we see behind you, toilets, it's just not a great opener to us. It’s a bit weird.
The car photos - put on your profile you have a car, again, don't necessarily need to have proof you own a car. When taking selfies, don't look down so that you appear to have more chins than a Chinese phone book. If you're going to take an in-car selfie, wearing your cool shades...then put the phone up and look up at the camera.
Pictures with you just out the shower.....Hmmm, give us something to work to, we like to have a bit of a surprise later down the line and like I said before if you work hard on your body, trust me your matches will pick this up. N.B. I would say photos of you on holiday wearing shorts/bikinis/speedos is ok-ish, if the photos are natural and don't mean you’re working it too much
Fishing photos - oh no, now picture this, you've sat by the lake for about 3-4 days, no washing, drinking beer, eating rubbish and you think that would be a good profile pic. Hmmm...plus you're holding a small or large slimy slippery fish. Great photo evidence of you catching a great fish, but for future dates. No.
Bed photos - similar to the car one...we don't need to know you own a bed. We guess that, plus the just woken up look or the ability to show us a bit of peck. Meh, I mean they're not as bad as the above but just look up at the camera and well if you have other photos then use them.
Photos with other people...
maybe have a photo showing you have friends ;) But too many of you looking loaded with your friends, comes across as you’re a party lad...and those girls next door might think you’re out every night where in reality that's probably the first night out in years and a friend was a bad influence.
SISTERS / GIRLFRIENDS
Unless you can put a caption on the photo, women won’t think..."Wow, he has loads of women friends or maybe that's his sister", depending on how attractive the girl is, will depend on if you're matched will swipe right or not. I know gents some women may say this isn’t the case...but yes, sometimes we can be fickle.
“ONLINE DATING DOESN’T SUCK, TOO MANY PEOPLE SUCK AT ONLINE DATING!”
― KEVIN DARNÉ, ONLINE DATING AVOID THE CATFISH!: HOW TO DATE ONLINE SUCCESSFULLY
Now photo’s that we women like and think are normal, and likely to get a swipe right going forward – here are some dos on your profile:
Pictures with your nan/auntie or your mum, maybe your dad or granddad, means your close to your family and you care, plus you make the effort. A big bonus to some women who are close to their family.
Pictures with cute animals....us chicks are a sucker for a furry creature (and no wrapping your manhood in a fluffy material is not the same). Shows you have a caring side and, we go aww.
Pictures that are not just selfies - we've all been to them, wedding, parties and christening (get to kids in a bit). Profiles that don't have a million of selfies, and have natural shots with you being you, can be worth a many words. Sometimes when there are loads of selfies may come across that you’re a bit self-absorbed.
Children - this day and age, think it will be hard not to meet someone that doesn't have a past and depending on your age, also them having kids with an ex. You may have put on your profile "loving dad to a daughter or 2", or "share custody of my two daughters 5 and 9", that's cool. Have one photo that captures you being an awesome Dad but remember that not the only thing you are and your only passion.
SOME QUICK TIPS
Try to show your eyes and not hide them behind shades on every photo
Smile with naturally (guaranteed if you make the viewer smile, they are likely to swipe right)
In focus photos, come on blurry photos are dodgy.
Funny faces are ok, but put it as your 2nd or 3rd photo, not the first one...reel them in and then let them see your funny side
Use a self-timer.... or get a friend to take the picture when you’re out one day.
PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD AND GOOD THINGS WILL FOLLOW
These make me giggle sometimes, and to be honest there are some that are repeated which I guess isn't a bad thing. :) But here are some tips...
·Opening Lines: Don't start with "only trustworthy women to get in touch" or "no liars". Know what that says to us... You’re not over the breakup. There’s resentment still there and its lingering like a bad smell. Just say you've been hurt so looking for someone to reconfirm your faith in loyalty or something. Just not as harsh. Or better still just don't put it on there, leave it till you get to know that person when you've got to the point of telling them why you are single or still single.
Check your grammar and spelling. Copy and paste what you want to write into Grammarly the free app/website to make sure what your writing makes sense and it's not a literal translation from what you’re saying to the profile, e.g. " fed up being the guy that don’t approach women"... just allows your potential match to think you speak with sense.
Lengthy: Don't need an autobiography in the "About Me" section. If you tell it all already what the hell are you going to say when you’re getting to know your match. Keep it to the point and about your hobbies. as part of getting to know each other, you can tell them where to have been skiing or what films you been to see recently. Plus adding your likes/dislikes like your grocery list isn’t something that's going to reel that match in. Keep it too:
Who you are: I'm caring, and a funny guy (at least my mum tells me so), who enjoys long walks off short planks (see hilarious!)?
What you like doing: In all honesty I do enjoy walking in the countryside, stopping at a local village pub and in the summer sitting outside in the winter enjoy sitting by the cosy fire. Like the cinema or a bit of Netflix, but also love my food and eating out, which is why I must go to the gym to keep me looking sharp.
What you are looking for: Looking to meet someone for long chats, putting the world to rights till the early hours, drinking wine or a cuppa and seeing where it goes.
"YOU AND I HAVE A LOVE SO SECRET THAT NOT EVEN YOU KNOW ABOUT IT. BUT FIRST, LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF."
— JAROD KINTZ
It's always hard finding the opening line. Difficult to think should I be funny, or should I do a cheesy chat-up line. Or something linked to their profile. You know what, go with what you think is best. When chatting with your match there is a mixture of openers. I love the gif...with Jim Carrey’s face covered in Sellotape and saying Hi and something relatable.
But if it's the lady starting the conversation or if you start the conversation...KEEP IT GOING.
Let me give you this scenario...
WOMAN: **funny gif
WOMAN: Hi, how are you? Having a good weekend? Up to any mischief?
MAN: hi, yeah weekend is good thanks.
BOOM - this is what you should not do; she’s not going to exchange numbers instantly or won't reply with.
WOMAN: **staring at her phone and the last message
WOMAN: OMG this conversation is so interesting can't wait to meet him!!
So, if she does, well, she’s unique and might be a catfish scenario or she is boiling that pan for the bunny.
You must chat a bit, you might think texting is like cleaning, boring and not necessary but honestly, it's needed and will get you to exchange numbers.
Asking questions about her job, hobbies, elaborate on the profile. In the
book Rip It Up by Richard Wiseman there was a study done around questions to ask on a date and/or ideas when the conversation goes stagnant what to ask your date.
If you found a bag full of money what would you do?
What would be the first 3 things you would buy if you won the lottery?
If you could invite 3 people from the past or present to dinner who would they be and why?
What thing are you most proud of?
What would your perfect holiday look like?
How did you meet your best friend?
Have you met any celebs?
I could go on and go, but there are many websites that can give you some ideas. But keep that conversation going, make sure that you ask a question before finishing a message. It will help when you maybe get that date with the lucky person.
Hopefully, this helps and you get more right swipes then left swipes.
If you are not sure what to look for in your next match, take a look at this blog for some tips: https://www.mission-you.co.uk/blog-1/break-ups-sometimes-the-hardest-thing-and-right-thing-are-the-same