What the Oxford English Dictionary Doesn't Tell You About Love
Updated: Feb 14, 2020
Here I am listening to the "All bout the 00's" Spotfify playlist (if you in your 30s you will love it) and then Ordinary People by John Legend came on. I was listening to the lyrics and it summed up what love is, for many of us.
My parents celebrate 38 years together and my grandparents celebrate 65 years of marriage.
Love and relationships are never easy. But watching my Nan care for my Granddad, feeding him yogurt and listening to his random chats while the dementia and Alzheimer's kicks in. Her heart breaking that the man she married, had children with, many holidays and flying on concord, is disappearing before her eyes. It makes me wonder what's the key to a successful marriage/ relationship. What can 65 years together teach us young-ens, and if maybe they could do something again what would it be.
SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
Girl, I'm in love with you This ain't the honeymoon Passed the infatuation phase Right in the thick of love At times we get sick of love Seems like we argue everyday
In sickness and health...that's tough as I said before it's not like you want to watch your loved one disappear in front of you. Or being there one day and not the next. Being in a relationship and marriage is giving yourself, your whole heart, your trust, body and you to that person. When you do that to another person they have you hook line and sinker. What do you do....you're there for them. you do what you can to make life a tiny bit easier or just to get a smile from them. I see that with my.parents and grandparents.
When you start in a relationship. you both might be healthy, you go for long walks, you enjoy going to the beach or having a bowling date every now and again. But we grow older, things change and your relationship moves on. You start trying for children and unable to conceive, or maybe someone has an accident and ends up with a bad back, unable to do the date nights you've always planned. Maybe this is the test that the vows, ask us to confirm, maybe it's not the sickness maybe it's the coping skills to deal with the sickness.
But watching my parents, my grandparents and even my friends partners and they stay with their loved ones despite everything, they cope and they are there, even when health pushes you to the edge, you hold onto the love that is there in the beginning and at the end.
BETTER OR WORSE
I know I misbehaved and you made your mistakes And we both still got room left to grow And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first And we'll make this thing work but I think maybe we should take it slow
The joys of people, we have our faults, we have strengths. Sometimes your partner could irritate the hell out of you. And I mean like, not doing the dishwasher properly, or not taking the bins out. OMG, it could drive you nuts. BUT.....being in a relationship is about the give and the take, loving that person despite their faults. And remembering the good things they bring to your relationship. The times they are there to comfort, might pick up your favourite Haribo's when they go out and get milk. Those little moments should mean more than the annoyances. And hey, don't forget, you are not perfect. You're type A personality maybe or your inability to change the toilet roll when it's finished. They might, or will probably be annoyed with things like that also. But they love you.
IT'S THE LOVE EVERY DAY
This ain't a movie love No fairytale conclusion y'all It gets more confusing everyday Sometimes it's heaven sent Then we head back to hell again We kiss then we make up on the way
As kids we watched the fairy tales and we watch it in films. I'm known in my friends circle for never watching Bridget Jones, Love Actually or any romantic comedies. I find them really predictable and not true to life and the reason why I look for something I might never find.
When you've argued with your spouse you don't hear him running as you walk off. There's no great gesture of love or public display in front of everyone. No....the reality isn't the same. You may think it's because I'm single and haven't met the one. Nope, not that. I've witness arguments with my parents and friends. The reality is, you go to bed in silence, you ignore each other in the house until someone breaks. if you walk off...you'll walk home alone and finish the argument in your own four walls. Love endures this....forever real love means you can argue and not cover your partners head with a pillow while he/she sleeps because of the row or snoring lol.
To me that's what love is, they hate to love you, but love to hate you (strong word hate but you get my jist). Your partner doesn't pick up his pants one day, but the other day he might load the dishwasher properly. Or OMG why is the bin full and you have one job, one frigging job. She might take forever to get ready and faff with everything, and you'll be 20 minutes late, but on the way home she picks up some beers and you didn't ask her. it's that give and take.
RICHER OR POORER
Maybe we'll live and learn Maybe we'll crash and burn Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave maybe you'll return Maybe another fight Maybe we won't survive But maybe we'll grow We never know Maybe you and I
For me this, is the - if we didn't have a penny to our name, and having to start over, I'd be there. I wouldn't walk away. I would be eating Pot Noodles with you, and giving you my last rolo.
I know that my parents, worked so bloody hard for us, as a family. I know that when they first met and married, they lived in our house, with hand me down furniture and didn't have a lavish wedding or honeymoon. They wanted to marry and show the world/family / friends that they were committed to each other no matter what.
I know some friends that are married, but still see their money as separate, that they earned it, so it's theirs and paying for things, is always justified as I've worked for it so its mine. I know one couple that were married for over 10 years and only recently got a joint checking account. Being in any relationship is about trust, and nothing comes close to that them the subject of money. Depends on your situation, so this is general. But it's about not "us and them", or "you and me", it's "ours", "we" worked hard. Whether you are a stay at home Mum/Dad and you look after the kids, this is still a full time job (with no start or end hours).
Also I would imagine and I know it's for my grandparents and parents, going through tough times and being there for each other, during hard times, when you don't know how you will pay your next bill. Not having all that stress just on you, makes you relationships stronger. For that's what a partner is for, a partner in crime and partner in stress.
I mean being unemployed or out of work is tough, but when you are in a relationship you support that other person. You don't question it, (unless they are not looking to get work), and you don't put pressure on them, which they are probably already feeling. You build them up, you make them feel worthy and valued.
WE'RE JUST ORDINARY PEOPLE
We're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go 'Cause we're ordinary people Maybe we should take it slow
Love is not lust, that whole love at first sight, that's lust, love is evolving and not something that instantly happens. It grows, cupid hits us with an arrow at first to get the infatuation going, but emotion towards that person, flourishes into love. Love is a strong bond, between two people, as you share you thoughts, fears, dreams and hopes that's what cements the foundations of the relationship (as the Supreme's sing "You Can't Hurry Love").
Love is compromise, respect and kindness, when I put compromise, that's not losing your own self nor should the other person change who you are, but with compromise and respect you understand your partner and maybe you realise and come to terms with not changing each other and you embrace your unique identities.
This Valentines Day, remember all these things, and embrace your loved one, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, loving every day and loving them despite those mild annoyances.
If you're single, don't worry, you will find this one day, and in the meantime, look out for my single blog for coping with valentines day.
Enjoy you Valentines. x